Wouldn't it be a nice world if we didn't need to disclaim everything? Sheesh.
The opinions expressed here are not those of my employer, my wife, my church, or
myself ... But they are the opinions of Elvis as revealed to me through the
medium of my pet hamster, Lee Harvey Oswald... The opinions expressed above are
yours; they are not necessarily those of my employer or myself. He doesn't even
know that I exist, let alone my opinions! My opinion is neither copyrighted nor
trademarked, and it's price competitive. If you like, I'll trade for one of
yours. The opinions expressed herein are those of absolutely everyone in Oregon:
the citizens, legislators, governor, their spouses, children, dogs, and cats. In
fact, everyone in Washington also agrees. No, make that the United States. None
of the ideas expressed above are actually mine. They are told to me by Luthor
and Ferdinand, the five inch tall space aliens who live under my desk. In return
for these ideas, I have given them persmission to eat any dust bunnies they may
find under there. Your eyes are weary from staring at the CRT. You feel sleepy.
Notice how restful it is to watch the cursor blink. Close your eyes. The
opinions stated above are yours. You cannot imagine why you ever felt otherwise.
WARNING: I cannot be held responsible for the above, as apparently my cats have
learned how to type.
The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of my employer, not
necessarily mine, and probably not necessary. Disclaimer: the above is the
author's personal opinion and is not the opinion or policy of his employer or of
the little green men that have been following him all day. Disclaimer: The views
of my employer do not conform to my views, or to any accepted standard of logic
that the Greeks thought up anyway... The facts expressed here belong to
everybody, the opinions to me. The distinction is yours to draw... (If all email
was written by Microsoft) Legal Notice: Receipt of this message constitutes your
unconditional acceptance of agreement with all terms, conditions, conclusions
and opinions, either expressed or implied, as interpreted by the author without
further clarification. Use of any information contained herein [inclusive of any
and all attachments] or omitted in part or in whole from the actual message is
strictly prohibited and will be subject to collection of significant financial
damages.
Now, finally, the Ultimate Disclaimer.
This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some
assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not
included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other
warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or
heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CARB approval.
This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too
intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Not rated by the Motion Picture
Association of America. Call for nutritional information. Use other side for
additional listings. Printed on recycled paper. For recreational use only. Do
not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. Prize not redeemable for cash
value. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts
inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. To be used as a supplementary
restraint system only. Always fasten your safety belt. Subject to change without
notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. Do not staple or paper clip. Price
slightly higher east of Alaska. No postage necessary if mailed in the United
States. Do not X-ray. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For
off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike.
Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time,
fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Magnetic media,
non-returnable if seal is broken. Formatted to fit your screen. Slippery when
wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in
any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool, process promptly. Post office
will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return
to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Prolong exposure to
vapors has caused cancer in laboratory animals. Not responsible for direct,
indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error
or failure to perform. Keep away from children. At participating locations only.
Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial
penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost
ticket pays maximum rate. ** - Phenylketonurics: contains phenylalnine. Your
canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Use only as
directed; intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling contents
can be harmful or fatal. Avoid contact with skin. Road construction ahead. Open
other end. Dealer participation may affect final price. May not be present in
all tap water. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly
endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the
Mississippi. Park at your own risk. Employees and their families and friends are
not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions
before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You
must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase
necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading
within a garment may occur. Keep away from fire or flames. See Uniform Code of
Military Justice. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two
or more. * - Indicates a low-fat item. Check here if tax deductible. Some
equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins.
Tax, tag, and title not included in advertised price. Not recommended for
children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction by mechanical or
electronic means, including photocopying, is strictly prohibited. No solicitors.
No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Avoid
spraying into eyes. An 18% gratuity will be added for parties of 8 or more. Do
not write under this line. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two
alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. For qualified buyers. Call toll
free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks
mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record
additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unit not labeled for
individual sale. The following information is meant for general educational
purposes only. Contents under pressure. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T.
No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. All passengers must
be behind the white line while bus is in motion. Package sold by weight, not
volume. Your mileage may vary. No shirt, no shoes, no service. No smoking, food,
or drink. This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either
myself, my company, my family, my roommate, my friends, or my cat. Don't quote
me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. You may distribute
this article freely but you may not make a profit from it. Do not use near open
flame. Management not responsible for loss or theft. Maximum speeding fine:
$350. Terms are subject to change without notice. Illustrations are slightly
enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to actual persons or events, living or
dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. We have kosher and non-kosher
foods. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Hand wash only,
tumble dry on low heat. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. No
substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. This article is void where
prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. Prizes are not
redeemable for cash equivalent. All taxes become liability of the winner.
Handicapped parking - tow zone. Product is provided "as is" without any
warranties. User assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity employer. We
accept food stamps. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects
are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized
service center. Use at your own risk. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Text
may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental
guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. You must be 54" tall to ride this
ride. Disconnect spark plug wire before servicing. Keep away from pets and small
children. Limit one per family, please. No money down. No purchase necessary.
You need not be present to win. Some assembly required. Do not try this at home.
Instructions are included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives
added. Shown with optional equipment. Slippery when wet. Product does not really
fly. Coated with food-grade vegetable, beeswax, and/or shellac-based wax or
resin to maintain freshness. This product contains olestra. Safety goggles
required during use. For demonstration purposes only. Sealed for your
protection, do not use if safety seal is broken. Call before you dig. Not liable
for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash,
irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue use. WARNING: may cause
cirrhosis of the liver, inflammation of the brain, heart damage, pancreatic
damage, kidney damage, spleen implosion or explosion, thyroid combustion, severe
nasal hair growth, blindness, eruptia, pregnancy, infertility, fecal
incontinence, impotence, loss of genitalia and/or hermaphroditism, hair loss,
skin blemishes, bone deformity, throat cancer, ulcers, hangnails, bladder
leakage, sores, scabs, elephantiasis, hepatitis, conjunctivitis, gingivitis,
appendicitis, bronchitis, and/or athlete's foot. Not recommended for children,
adults, senior citizens, animals, insects, plants, or dead people. Use only with
proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place.
Sealed with printed foil for your protection. Keep away from open flames. Avoid
contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Do not puncture,
incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit/ 49 degrees Celsius. Do not
place near a flammable or magnetic source. Your email session may be monitored
at the University’s discretion. Smoking this article could be hazardous to your
health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom.
No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. Use type GR927 battery. If
ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician.
WARNING: pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid this product.
Discontinue use if any of the following occurs: itching, vertigo, dizziness,
tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech,
temporary blindness, profuse sweating, or heart palpitations. May stick to
certain types of skin. TexARC Contains no fruit juice. Push down, then twist.
Dry clean only. UL listed. Articles are ribbed for your pleasure. Possible
penalties for early withdrawal. Offer valid only at participating sites.
Slightly higher west of the Rockies. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Must
be 18 to use. Warranty does not cover misuse, accident, extraterrestrial impact,
lightning, floods, tornadoes, solar flares, tsunami, volcanic eruptions,
earthquakes, supernovas, hurricanes, other Acts of God, neglect, damage from
improper or unauthorized use, incorrect line voltage and/or frequency, broken
antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, chemical
reactions, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom shock
waves, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents
owing to an airplane crash, Divine Intervention, extraterrestrial intervention,
ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, explosive
decompression, hard vacuum, dropping the item, falling rocks, falling anything,
falling on rocks, falling on anything, caustic chemicals, napalm, leaky roofs,
broken glass, magnetic fields, laser or other energy weapons, sub-atomic
particle bombardment, emissions of x-rays, microwave, ultraviolet, cosmic,
and/or gamma rays, mud slides, forest fires, or projectiles (which may include,
but are not limited to, arrows, bombs, artillery shells, missiles, bullets,
snowballs, hand grenades, buckshot, BBs, flares, shrapnel, liquid-filled
balloons, torpedoes, knives, stones, spears, swords, maces, pikes, clubs,
morningstars, etc.). Other restrictions may apply. WARNING: Federal law provides
severe civil and criminal penalties for the unauthorized reproduction,
distribution, or exhibition of copyrighted motion pictures and videotapes.
(Title 17, United States Code, Sections 501 and 506.3). The Federal Bureau of
Investigation (Title 17, United States Code, Section 506) investigates
allegations of criminal copyright infringement.(Title 17, United States Code,
Section 506.) See local retailer for complete details.